Looks and Brains Part 4: I Tried My Best, but My Best Wasn't Good Enough - and It's Alright

 I tried my best, I took the biggest risk I have ever imagined I'm doing, but it wasn't good enough.

Matchmaker confirmed that you are no longer interested in communicating with me. I cannot blame you since you only did what is best for you. I would never know if the crucial information I disclosed to you was the main reason or if it was the one that cement your decision that you were no longer interested in seeing me.

It was unfortunate that despite thinking that the last time we met was a happy one without any form of being pissed with one another - or I might be wrong about this.

Looking back on the notes I created about you, I can say that I did my part not making you hurt even if it meant that I was going to be the one ending up being hurt. I didn't expect to be hurt this bad though. Meeting you was indeed a refreshing experience. It was fun while it lasted that's for sure. At least I was finally able to go to some place that I wanted to go to for a long time.

I know personally sending you a last goodbye message would not be advisable - nor you would even dare to read it. I might even be muted or blocked from your contacts. What is important was that the matchmaker gave me the closure I needed even if you ghosted me. So here I am posting it here - for my sake. So that I could move on faster - because who knows if the one for me is right in the corner.

So here the what would be letter goes:

I don't know if the crucial info I disclosed to you was the deal breaker or it was the one that cements your decision to be no longer interested in me. I cannot blame you with your decision nor I am aware that this is the harsh reality that I need to face from hereon out. That not everyone is going to be open and aware in the situation that I am in to. I know that I didn't want it to happen to myself either, but it is what it is. I am not saying you are closed-minded because to each of his own and with how your life has gone through - this is a difficult thing for you to face with me. Why? Because you have always got things the easy way - while I have to struggle in each and every milestone I had in my life. Heck, I even have to swore to the NBI personnel that I didn't commit a slight physical injury onto someone just to get my NBI clearance - meanwhile you got your clearance smoothly.

Even if we didn't end up together, I would still like to say thank you for everything and wishing you the best!

I am positive that you would eventually meet someone you like or someone you are well-matched with. Perhaps the doctor that the matchmaker was informing my mom who is probably way more successful and younger than me and you might be someone they need to help take over their family business.

I am not sour-grapping, but I wondered if I don't end up with you, why does it have to take for almost three months instead of a quick one month or less? I realized that time allows you to see the preview of what you could have been if we would end up together. If time was quick, I would have created more what ifs. If I am wondering now, I might be wondering more back then. But I think almost three months of communicating with you already gave me enough insight that it's going to be a messy one in the long run. Messy in the sense that even if I wasn't pissed off every time we go out together, more time spent together and the answers to my questions would make me realized that we are not going to be a good match.

I kept on telling people that you might be the biggest what if of my life if I don't take a huge risk in getting to know you. Now the chapter has ended, at least I am at peace knowing that I held on until the end, knowing that I took risks that I have never imagined like telling the matchmaker that I am starting to have interest in you. Lastly, to explore the option of dating someone younger than me for the first time in my entire existence.

I don't know if I would be open on dating someone younger again - but of course given a choice, I would revert to sticking to my criteria. After all, I can tell to people, I tried, it just didn't work out.

Again, I hope the best for you and also for me.

Thank you and goodbye.

#ChapterClosed