I don't know how come for some reason I decided to read Ronald Molmisa's Lovestruck Series "Shanaba" edition a month ago. I read all of his Lovestruck Series because it is really, really valuable. I think if I'm not mistaken I started reading the Lovestruck Series ever since I bought the "Singles Edition" around 8 years ago. I read it wondering if it was really him, like "Sha na nga ba?".
If I learned something it's like sometimes when we read something, our emotions are on different state at that point in time. So if we read the same book again, we would understand it in a different way because of time, experience and our state of emotions that time. Rereading the book allowed me to learn about attachment style. I realized the terms has been used for a long time, it's just that it was only prevalent now. Looking back now, I also realized he really wasn't my "Sha na nga" based on the book.
Enter attachment theory. So I took an exam to see and wonder if I am having an insecure attachment style, what was it? I realized that the results although it may seem I have a secure one in general, if I break down in terms of my relationship with my parents, people in general and relationships/dating, I had the same results except my relationship/dating aspect showed that I had an disorganized attachment.
Because of the disorganized attachment style I learned that I thought I have, I started watching YouTube videos of Heidi Priebe and read articles in relation to those. I realized that I have bigger issues to solve because I realized with the dating history I had that I wouldn't be able to solve the problem quickly. Not only did I have one insecure attachment that would allow you to practice doing the opposite way, but I had two insecure attachment style merged into one body. So when I kept on asking myself what am I doing wrong in every date I had? It's like you kept on studying, taking test and you still failed. Which made me realize that whenever I do the opposite, the other insecure attachment style will show up. So if I backtracked on what happened with each of my dating history that lasted more than a month, I learned that I've been dealing with the same issues it was just that I try to approach things differently hoping for a different result, but the end was still the same - I failed or it didn't work out.
Knowing what I needed to do, just hope and pray that I would be able to address the root cause of the problem so that I would know what to do whenever the next one comes.
Still, I can't figure out why my feelings are still not at ease and there were times I still wanted to cry...
(To be continued)…
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