*Since this month is National (or World) Autism Awareness Month, I would like to share my thought regarding Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in relation to life...
Dating leading to marrying your future spouse is already hard - let alone wonder if they would accept all of your flaws. Then you think if you are the person who has the so-called “weird genes” where the general population would have a hard time accepting your flaws based on the society standard, you thought the only way was to find that same person like you. By finding the same person as you, you would think that they would accept you for who you are and you would also accept them for who they are…
You thought so until your spectrums collided and unknowingly triggered the other…
One problem of dating in a community that has a high stigma on people with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or the likes was that parents either tell their children to conceal that information or they refuse to let the experts assess their children if they had the symptoms (so they could be treated). Well, it’s like the symptoms were there (but not as bad to the point they have to go to sought professional help); however, labeling them into one would mean that you are a judger or falsely accusing someone of having that disorder - because they weren’t even diagnosed by the experts.
So the problem here was in every person you date, you think that they are neurotypical and the only person who knew about your condition in that situation was you. However, because of your parents or other people’s instruction, you cannot disclose it immediately - or hoping you don’t need to disclose it at all and that they would magically accept you for who you are. Disclosing would mean that you may have fumbled a lifetime to be with that person if that person cannot accept your genetic makeup (even if it’s not your fault - well you were born with it). As neurotypical, it’s already difficult that sometimes you have to generally conceal some parts of your identity or information - imagine how much more difficult it was for someone who has to hide their whole genetic makeup by pretending to be someone they are not all because the society you belonged to would run as fast as they could if they figured out the one they are dating has one.
It was such a cruel and pitiful world in the sense that because society - let alone the community I belonged to - have a stigma towards individuals with ASD and other disabilities (whether visible or invisible). It was so bad that you realized when two neurodivergent individuals (whether diagnosed or not) who have to pose as neurotypical individuals towards each other without revealing their cards end up having their possibly most disastrous date one ever had in their life - all because of the triggers that were inadvertently caused by your respective spectrum. Well from the definition of spectrum itself, it means a range of different things. Imagine knowing you have a different wiring of a brain compared to neurotypicals and then you have to deal with dating another individual you hoped to have the same wiring of the brain as yours - but because it’s a spectrum and who knows the severity of the other person’s spectrum (and the fact on whether they were diagnosed or not - so they could receive proper therapy if they did) that what is okay or soothing for a neurodivergent individual would trigger the other neurodivergent individual. All because both of them may be classified as wired the same compared to the neurotypical individual, but they are still extremely different towards each other.
Sometimes it was such an unfortunate incident that it boiled down to that part - a part where both of you are trying to feel each other and wanting the other to accept them - like them, because you were masking so hard that the one who has the "weaker" ability to conceal their identity would be the one causing damage and triggers the other unintentionally. The damage and triggers would then make the other neurodivergent individual react wildly wherein for a neurotypical's mind it would be like "Nah, I can handle it".
You knew deep down that maybe, just maybe if people are more understanding and less scared of revealing who they are to the other person, people could be themselves without worrying if the other individual would accept them for who they are or not. It’s like if an individual knows that person is like that because of their condition, one would be more understanding, patient towards each other which might lead to more clarity and eventually make the dating period much longer that would lead to lifetime partnership until death do they part.
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