Most Painful Stopover or Longest Haul to Final Destination?

They said finding love is a journey… a journey wherein you would have experienced a lot such as the normal short and quick stopovers, a thought of your final destination because of the duration of your stay in that place only to find out you wouldn’t settle there, or it could be a very, very long haul only to find out it was your final destination.

So around two weeks ago, I sought an astrologer and a human design reader (same individual). I know they say not to solely depend on their predictions, but I decided to try it out for the sake of knowing myself better such as my strengths and weaknesses as an individual.

According to my chart, the astrologer was telling me that within the next few months, my dating life would be ramping up and I’m going to meet someone long-term; however, she also said that I’m going to marry late - which was also predicted a year ago by the face reader that I’m going to get married before the age of 40.

Which now leads me to asking a lot of questions and making assumptions. However, despite the questions and assumptions, this will all boil down to what are you willing to sacrifice, what are you willing to take risk in order to finally reach your final destination? It’s a matter of based on the information available to you, which path are you willing to take?

If I’m going to use that prediction as a basis, I know this is going to be a crazy year in terms of my dating life even if it we’re only in the 1st quarter since as of the moment, I already went out twice with two different guys - that is an achievement on my part because it means I already saw two different men in a span of single calendar year compared to before where I only meet one guy in the same calendar year. By going at this trend, we could say that maybe - just maybe I would finally be in my first romantic relationship with someone OR we would be going out steadily and longingly for probably more than three months (which is my longest if we remove the guys I chatted with during lockdown).

The caveat: At the age I’m into and probably the guy I’m going to date, it wouldn’t make sense to wait unless there are some issues (such as a close kin passed away that you have to follow Chinese customs - or other important stuff like the eldest brother has to get married first). This means if I’m not careful or I choose to rush things, the guy would be freaked out and would eventually break things off with me.

Basically it’s like will the guy I’m going to meet next around that time be my most painful stopover starting from that point in time and I would find another guy that I would get married to immediately? Or would I be on a very long haul before we walk down the aisle or what I call my final destination?

Choices, choices, difficult choices to make. You don’t know your future and predicting one removes the mystery and not trusting God that everything is possible with Him. Living in the moment to whoever guy was in front of you would be a crazy idea for me as like yes I enjoy it now, but I don’t know if we would be together in the future and if the future is not meant for us, would I still enjoy the time that we spent together on that place? Or would it bring you pangs of sad memories because although you are happy that time, it would bring you a lot of loneliness making you realize it wouldn’t work out in the end eventually - why make me happy at that moment if you would crush my heart into millions pieces at the end? People say make every moment count because remember at that time you are happy. I guess there is a reason why people say whenever you travel with your then lover, always have a solo picture of yourself so that if you and your then lover didn’t pan out, you would still have pictures and memories of yourself and your family (that would never leave you - unless they die) to hold on to, rather than uncomfortably delete the pictures that you have together because you knew it was over.

All I can say now is I don’t know what will happen next and how it will unfold - heck we don’t even know if it’s true or not because as my psychiatrist said, manage expectations but still be open to the idea of dating other people. I just hope I have a heart of a stone where they try to woo you and when they give up, you don’t feel any negative emotions at all. How I wish that would be so easy but it’s not…

Spectrum Collision

*Since this month is National (or World) Autism Awareness Month, I would like to share my thought regarding Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) in relation to life...

Dating leading to marrying your future spouse is already hard - let alone wonder if they would accept all of your flaws. Then you think if you are the person who has the so-called “weird genes” where the general population would have a hard time accepting your flaws based on the society standard, you thought the only way was to find that same person like you. By finding the same person as you, you would think that they would accept you for who you are and you would also accept them for who they are…

You thought so until your spectrums collided and unknowingly triggered the other…

One problem of dating in a community that has a high stigma on people with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or the likes was that parents either tell their children to conceal that information or they refuse to let the experts assess their children if they had the symptoms (so they could be treated). Well, it’s like the symptoms were there (but not as bad to the point they have to go to sought professional help); however, labeling them into one would mean that you are a judger or falsely accusing someone of having that disorder - because they weren’t even diagnosed by the experts.

So the problem here was in every person you date, you think that they are neurotypical and the only person who knew about your condition in that situation was you. However, because of your parents or other people’s instruction, you cannot disclose it immediately - or hoping you don’t need to disclose it at all and that they would magically accept you for who you are. Disclosing would mean that you may have fumbled a lifetime to be with that person if that person cannot accept your genetic makeup (even if it’s not your fault - well you were born with it). As neurotypical, it’s already difficult that sometimes you have to generally conceal some parts of your identity or information - imagine how much more difficult it was for someone who has to hide their whole genetic makeup by pretending to be someone they are not all because the society you belonged to would run as fast as they could if they figured out the one they are dating has one.

It was such a cruel and pitiful world in the sense that because society - let alone the community I belonged to - have a stigma towards individuals with ASD and other disabilities (whether visible or invisible). It was so bad that you realized when two neurodivergent individuals (whether diagnosed or not) who have to pose as neurotypical individuals towards each other without revealing their cards end up having their possibly most disastrous date one ever had in their life - all because of the triggers that were inadvertently caused by your respective spectrum. Well from the definition of spectrum itself, it means a range of different things. Imagine knowing you have a different wiring of a brain compared to neurotypicals and then you have to deal with dating another individual you hoped to have the same wiring of the brain as yours - but because it’s a spectrum and who knows the severity of the other person’s spectrum (and the fact on whether they were diagnosed or not - so they could receive proper therapy if they did) that what is okay or soothing for a neurodivergent individual would trigger the other neurodivergent individual. All because both of them may be classified as wired the same compared to the neurotypical individual, but they are still extremely different towards each other.

Sometimes it was such an unfortunate incident that it boiled down to that part - a part where both of you are trying to feel each other and wanting the other to accept them - like them, because you were masking so hard that the one who has the "weaker" ability to conceal their identity would be the one causing damage and triggers the other unintentionally. The damage and triggers would then make the other neurodivergent individual react wildly wherein for a neurotypical's mind it would be like "Nah, I can handle it".

You knew deep down that maybe, just maybe if people are more understanding and less scared of revealing who they are to the other person, people could be themselves without worrying if the other individual would accept them for who they are or not. It’s like if an individual knows that person is like that because of their condition, one would be more understanding, patient towards each other which might lead to more clarity and eventually make the dating period much longer that would lead to lifetime partnership until death do they part.