Deadlock: Love vs Luck

As various Filipino-Chinese communities were celebrating the Mid-Autumn festival, there's one thing that most of the typical Filipino-Chinese cannot miss out aside from the mooncakes - the Dice Game or the "Pua Tiong Tsiu".

Prior to the pandemic, the only dice game I have was from my mom's side of the family - and that's all I went into until I started to join the Filipino-Chinese community where they hosted a lot of various dice games.

Year after year, there's one thing you've been wondering, when will you get the first prize (狀元). It's like for some winning the first prize or the 狀元 seem to be a normal thing, but for me, it was really, really hard to come by probably to the point if you got a 2nd place, you learn to be happy about it.

Until there is this one time around 2024 for some reason my 三嬸 gave me and my mom bracelets for us to choose from. I was the one who chose first (as my mom was not in the house that time) and wore it on the dice game event I'm attending. 

During that time, I got my first 狀元. The problem: The combination was actually high enough (five 1s), but not high enough to beat the highest roller which is five 4s. I took a picture (like what every 狀元 does whenever they won) since that was my first time getting that combination. Then came another event on the same year, I got another one. However, one die popped out of the bowl (which disqualified me from being considered 狀元), but the fact that I produced a four 4s meant whatever number the die was outside the bowl, I had a chance to win it. I just didn't feel bad that time since the die that was outside the bowl wouldn't be enough to beat the highest roller. Then I start to realize, that there is something about the bracelet that aided me to roll my first unofficial 狀元. I only found out that the bracelet I chose was a lucky cat on a jade-colored one.

Then came last year, I kind of notice that there's something about the bracelet, that's why I start wearing it whenever I'll attend a dice game. So when I rolled again, the 狀元 came out once again. It's a 4s and a 10 (that means four 4s and the remaining two dice totaled 10. However the problem in this game was somebody got a higher combination after I pulled it off, which means I know experienced both sides of not winning it all despite the chance of having one.

I think that that point, I jokingly wondered which would be more painful, when you pulled a combination that wasn't high enough to beat the highest roller or you thought you had it in your bag when suddenly somebody took a higher roll and they eventually won the bag.

This year, as the dice game season comes once again, which is also the obvious talk of the town among various Filipino-Chinese groups, there was this one person who even said in our group chat that he only goes to dice game events or activities if it's free as if he's showing to us that he doesn't need to pay to win. It's like he goes to a dice game event and he would win the first prize. It's like winning that becomes a norm for him.

I think at one point I even said in the group chat jokingly, you know I don't know which would come first in my life, winning the official 狀元 or having my first relationship because both things seem to be hard to come by in my life.

It's funny because I felt like both are impossible in the sense that on one end, you could force things (like agree to be in a relationship with the guys that courted you), or you depend on luck that the combination you need to win would happen.

Then last September 27, 2026 on one fateful afternoon, I FINALLY got my first 狀元! A 狀元 where nobody got a higher or even lower combination of all possible 狀元.

Not only that, exactly one week after, one of our friends who owns a coffee shop wanted to organize one. So we decided to support her and viola! I got another 狀元 all in a span of 1 week. 

My First 狀元

My Second 狀元

As I am writing this, I'm starting to wonder if the change of time allowed me to win or not as most of the dice game events I've attended to were usually on the evening and the two 狀元s that I won were both in the afternoon. But then, I also played in the afternoon where I didn't get the first prize, so I guess it still just depends. 

Then for some funny reason, there was this one instance where I'm just planning to bade goodbye to one of the female friends I met in the community as our table is already finished rolling (which I didn't win - but that's okay as I got all the prizes that I want plus I even won a raffle in that event), when I saw it's her turn to roll, I just stood behind her while she roll the dice. As she rolled the dice, she got the 狀元 on their table and that's the time the 狀元 came out on their table! The dice game combination that she got was actually five 4s - a combination that I never got. That girl and another guy who is also our friend actually saw what transpired and when this girl turned around as I bade my goodbye, we were all laughing about it as this girl said it seems like I was her luck charm that day. The guy even said in another group chat that if people want to get lucky in the game, they better stick with me. 😂

So to answer my on-going question in life, I guess I finally had my answer on which comes first in my life between two impossible scenarios - which is luck.

As for love, I don't know what would happen to that aspect. Maybe just maybe if one of the impossible things or droughts come to an end, maybe in due time my drought for my singleness would end not because I forced myself to end it, but it is naturally time to end. Just like how the drought of me not getting the 狀元 finally ended.