Leaving the Past Behind

People kept on saying that everything happens for a reason... and I really believe that saying until now. It's like it's always the unexpected things that suddenly happens in our life that makes us wonder why things happen.

As a person who is quite aware of my stuff and making sure they're intact and also you can say that I am a good at taking care of things, some things would just go missing in action and you wonder where did you place them?

Or maybe some times they will just break down on it's own not because of misuse, but probably overuse and through time just like my last power bank that was given to me by one of the guys I met online as his birthday gift for me.

The photo of the cloth bag I posted here was a birthday gift of the mom of my friend. I know you'll be wondering what's the connection? You aren't even talking about romantic stuff right? Of course I wasn't talking about romantic stuff in here. This cloth bag was indeed one of the birthday gifts I got during the first year of pandemic lockdown along with that pink power bank that one of the guys I used to go out with gave to me.

The thing was at the time with one of my dates with a guy back in 2023, I had to pull out this cloth bag as their brown paper Kraft bag for take out didn't have a handle for them to hold. So here I was offering my cloth bag so they (the guy and his mom) have a handle to hold comfortably. A quick backstory: As we put the Kraft bag inside my cloth bag, I was wondering if they would really make me carry my take-out as we are about to leave the restaurant premises since they didn't immediately hold the cloth bag to show initiative that they will be the ones carrying it. So, I stood up, and took the cloth bag with their take out food inside only for the guy's mom to see it and immediately told me to give it to her son.... and so I did.

Even if things didn't work out between me and this guy, I still haven't washed that cloth bag and it served a lot of purpose on the travels that I've been through and everything else. Maybe my go-to eco bag because it was so small and it's not taking a lot of space inside my bag.

Then my Canada trip came, for some reason it survived maybe the first third of my trip until my main shoulder bag's strap broke down and I have to start to minimize bringing my stuff on what they call a dumpling bag. As I start to pack my stuff into my luggage (so I don't end up panicking towards the end of my trip), I realized my cloth bag is gone.

Maybe I'm just a sucker of losing cloth bags that was given by my high school friends or their relatives. I mean last time I lost a cloth bag that was given by one of my dear friends was when I was in China study tour and this time it's now.

Or maybe it's also a way of saying that it's start to leave the past behind. Like I don't need to look at the cloth bag and would have tiny flashbacks of him holding that bag - even if it was against his will because his mother said so. Same as the power bank that just naturally broke down of it's own until it becomes unusable and I have no choice but to put it on one of the SM electronic recycle bins inside their malls.

So I guess it's time to find a new official cloth bag that I could bring anywhere and as for the power bank? We'll I'm not a huge user unless I go to abroad and my last trip to Canada, my youngest sibling lend me his.

Here is leaving the unnecessary past behind and start to write a new chapter with the remaining things you have and who knows when their chapter with your life end.

Course Flashback

As I try to find which school to enroll and which course do I need to take in college during my graduating year in high school, the question boils down to do you take the degree that you want, but won't feed your tummy or study the course you don't want, but will feed your tummy.

In my case, I had an ongoing petty argument with my mom regarding that. I dreaded taking a business course just because I hated to study accounting so very much like it gives you a bad impression about the subject.

So my mom and I kept on discussing things until we both decided then that I would be studying in CSB majoring in International studies I think? Like we did the notary public etc. I know my mom is not really on board with me taking that degree, but she likes the school since it's near our house and the one in front of the school? Well let's say I wasn't smart enough to pass. As for me, I am not on board with the school due to it's negative connotation as the dumpsite for the students who failed in DLSU, but I think I am okay with the course I chose.

Until my mom got curious what happened to my St. Scholastica's College application since she knew I passed the entrance exam. Since CSB and St. Scho are near to each other (St. Scho is located at the back of CSB), we decided to go there before we went home. So as my mom saw the list of courses available, she was like there's a double degree program in St. Scho.

And there comes the lightbulb moment! Because we learned that it's any course from the Liberal Arts Program and any course from the Commerce Program. I remembered my mom was begging to me that please just get commerce and she would be at peace (I think it's whatever major but as long as it's Bachelor of Science in Commerce). So there goes I study what you want, and I study what I want. It's near our house, you are okay with the culture, there's uniform so I don't need to think what to wear everyday. So I end up enrolling in St. Scho and the rest was history.

However, there is sort of a downside from my mom's point of view. It's an exclusive school, which means I would not be able to interact with men which she felt was kind of crucial for me to get into relationships. Well, she did some pros and cons and making me study in St. Scho is more important than whether I will find love or not.

Apparently, the cons seems to be so glaring now that my mom was so desparate for me to have a guy in my life. I mean I don't know what the future holds or the reason why things are still stagnant on that part, but it is what it is. Am I too late to try? Or there is no enough luck for me to pass?

What I can say now was I think I am at the point where I tried everything possible that I never imagined with the last one being the conscious decision on going against something that you decided that you would never done in your life... I mean pre-pandemic I would, but these past year or two, probably not.

They also said you need to create a sense of competition in the dating scene as to not end up settling for something just because you felt there's no other choice..

I think that's what I did, albeit for a very, very short period of time (Hey, at least I tried) lol! I think right now, creating a sense of competition gave me flashbacks on which course to choose from during my graduating year in high school.

If before I could just choose both to appease what I want and what will fill my tummy, I can't do the same thing anymore because that's called infidelity.

You see some people are like a course/degree that is visually unappealing, but if you choose them, you will never go hungry. On the other hand, some courses, while they would give you a sense of fulfillment or joy, it doesn't guarantee that it would also help you feed yourself and eventually your family. Elders would always tell me that choose something that would feed your tummy. A doctor's secretary even told me that I shouldn't fall in love of the idea of studying science subjects just because that one university that gave me an academic placement said that if only you took a course that is not that demanding to the masses, you wouldn't end up lost and to choose another degree on a bunch of list of available degrees based on my entrance test results. Her point was not everyone is like the doctor she was serving who have a long lines of patients and at the same time also love what they're doing. However, most of the people are either stuck with being unhappily full or would be starving happily.

After I told my female bosses my pros and cons about the guys I went out with, my VP asked if barring everything who would I choose? I straightly answered that I would go with someone who could feed my tummy rather than going after someone who will make you happy.

By answering my VP's question, I guess if I had those course flashback with a more matured mind, I think I know which course to choose now if I am only allowed to choose one. Also as I look back to my work now, I cannot guarantee which degree exactly fills my tummy (and probably my luxurious needs) because as much as I wanted to take Mass Communications then choose Marketing Major in Commerce (per my mother's wish), I end up sort of taking a major that I don't want in Liberal Arts - which is Psychology... and I actually end up taking the degree I wanted in Commerce - which is Business and Information Systems Management instead of Marketing. 

What an irony right?

If you are wondering which degree exactly is helping me survive? I cannot give a straight answer because it seems like both of them did their respective jobs and my direct boss didn't see me as someone with two different personalities in terms of what I could bring to the table into the corporate setting. Instead, he saw it as an opportunity to utilize what I have learned in both courses. I guess when someone with a double degree landed on your lap that suits the needs of your company, you can't just ignore their other course and only focus on one. Instead you make use of the opportunity - and I think that's what my boss did.