On the first Sunday of March, I made new friends at an event I attended that was so cool that one of our new found friends created a group chat exclusively for girls. The thing about this Chinese community was that it was so small and there would be cases wherein you have encountered guys - especially the people considered weird ones and you exchange information. As some older, more experienced ones say, once you start being exposed in the communities, you’ll realize that the circle is very small…
So small that in our group chat, I told a story of a guy that I met before the pandemic. I can say while I was the one who ended it (half-heartedly), I felt like he was the longest person I had moved on from. It was so bad that I admit it involved an innocent human being that I deeply regret and made sure if I’m hurt again by some guy, I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake - again.
Until one of the ladies in that private group chat sent me a private message saying she was introduced to the same guy and she mentioned that they only went out once while me and the guy went out thrice. In which she mentioned that the guy probably liked me because I was thin… Yes I remembered I was thin back then because I came from an illness that only one cup of that Chinese herbal medicine took away the recurring fever I had.
Which made me think… IF ONLY my body weight right now was my body weight before (probably 15-pound difference)… In short, IF ONLY I was fat back then when he saw me or my pictures…
COULD I have spared myself from getting my heart broken by this guy and eventually not be pissed off of him being late all the time?
WOULD I be devastated at the recurring thought that I was fat?
COULD I have retained my passion in watching NBA and listening to music that I didn’t need a Domantas Sabonis exemplary play such as him racking up triple doubles to keep my fantasy team afloat just to serve as my spark plug to bring my passion back in the game… and eventually passionate in listening to music again?
WOULD I lose myself along the way because you kept on trying to prove yourself and try to keep up that you indeed can converse with him in chatting using Chinese characters?
WOULD I have wanted to initiate a conversation with a guy due to the aftermath of my heartbreak (who I sought help from one of my MBA classmates) even if he wasn’t qualified for my petty criteria such as him not being pure Chinese?
WOULD my view about love and relationship I knew back then changed because all you thought was you weren’t good enough to attract a guy?
WOULD I still be scared of the thought of meeting scary prospective mother-in-laws without my mother by my side?
WOULD I be still gullible to the compliments that men kept on telling me instead of being guarded if you are being love-bombed?
WOULD I have heard my mom’s words along the lines of “I almost lost you…” as she hugged me that almost broke me into tears because of what could have been the nightmare if I struck through with this guy?
WOULD I have heard my mother’s lines of “I never reared you to be a princess in this house only to become a slave in another household.” Well because this guy’s family didn’t have helpers and the one that he was looking for was more of a maid and not a wife?
WOULD I have thought that loveless marriage exists all because he asked me if I know how to cook (twice)?
In the end, all the couldas wouldas meant nothing as if these things or situations didn’t happen to you, you would not become who you are right now (in a positive way). The experiences, although painful as it seems back then now, would shape me to become a better individual - even if along the process I knew deep down in my heart that I involved an innocent person by disturbing his life.
I realized as I grow older, you gain more experience and you would know how to discern things. Like some new found friend had told us, these guys were engineers in your life that they kept on imparting you life lessons no matter how harsh it was so that once your future husband arrives, you are ready. It’s like as you gain more experience, more exposure, you keep on improving yourself until you become the best version of yourself to the one that God entrusted you into. 😊
